I guess I really needed to write Mondays post on Monday- you guys were so supportive, I so appreciate the kindness you shared. I am also so sad that so many of are going through or have gone though what I am going through.
On that same note I was thrown back a little by a phone I received today, apparently my mom got out her old phone book and called a very good old friend of the family. A friend that has not seen her in over 6 years. My mom told this person that I had her locked up in an insane asylum. Yeah, you read that right, insane asylum. :(
After explaining that I did not do that, where she really is, justifying every move & decision that I have had to make for the past year I was a bit exhausted...overwhelmed and frustrated. Why is it that
when you talk to your parents friends they make you feel like you are still a kid and second guess yourself even when you are an adult!?! As if I hadn't done everything else I could possibly think of before moving her into assisted living.
BREATHE
I know it was the right move for her. She may have had a moment where she thought she was in an "insane asylum" but every time we visit she talks about how nice everyone is to her. She has made friends and goes to all the outings they have. I have not seen her this social all year. She is eating, gaining weight, taking her meds .and seems genuinely happy. Before this move I could count on one hand the days she has been happy in the past year,and even those days turned into ugly nights. And yet in a moment, she made that call. One call, that made me second guess everything.
20 to 1.
Twenty positive comments to one bad phone call.
It will take time to regroup. Regroup and start again.
Thank you for letting me vent.
12 comments:
Hang in there Rita! Such a tough, tough part of your journey right now. But you ARE doing the best you can for your mom. Thinking like a parent for your parent is so difficult. But, it sounds like you are on the right path. Hang tough!
i know you must have prayed and prayed over your decision; please don't let one negative comment make you doubt your decision; hugs and prayers,
Rita, I don't know how I missed yesterday's post, but I had to go back and read it. So sorry that you are having to deal with this....it's hard to see things like this happen to those we love, and to see them become different people! Stay strong, you are doing the right things and I know that you are not entering into your decisions lightly. I am so glad that you are able to express yourself in your art, and that you are surrounded by such a wonderful family!
Oh, Rita, I am so, so sorry!
With all of the positives you listed it sounds like you made the right choice to me.
And I am speaking from experience. My mom went through something very similar with my nana. It was so hard on both of them.
But you just do the best you can!
And what you said about your mom's friends making you feel like a kid. I feel the same way with my parents friends! Not always in a negative way, but I do still feel like that little kid around them sometimes :) Or that they see me that way. I am sure they are wondering how I got to be so big, just as I wonder the same thing about the children in my life!
Hugs!!!
Hang tough!! The old family friend could not possibly have known the details without asking the hard questions. Be glad your Mom has friends that care enough to follow up on "distress calls"...even in this difficult circumstance. Keep regrouping. If you made the decision out of love and concern (which it certainly seems you did), then what is there to second guess??
Rita, it isn't just your parents' friends who can wag their fingers at you as the caregiver, any of your family members can do the same thing. The one who is the caregiver is treated horribly many times. I know from experience. My husband's brothers and sister (and their spouses) didn't help out at all, yet found fault with my caregiving (BTW I was not paid). I always have sympathy for the caregiver, or whoever takes care of the details of another person's life. TRY not to let it get you down. You know what you have done, are doing, and will do.
Oh, I see that I'm going to have to read back over your posts and see what went on, but I'm guessing you had to make the decision to put your Mom in assisted living, right? Wow do I know how you feel. My 87 year old mom has been in bad health for years and between my 2 sisters and myself, we finally got her to move in with my sister. that only lasted a year as her ER and hospital visits came non-stop. My poor sister had to take time off from work nearly every other week as my Mom had falls, passed out, stopped taking her meds, etc, etc. I finally took over and found an assisted living place for her because it was either that or a nursing home. Mom was not happy at all, but a year and a half later, she is doing BETTER than she ever had, and has settled in. She still doesn't socialize, but we know she is safe now. Visits to her are less stressful, even when she complains, because we don't have to wonder what we'll find when we see her. Hugs to you...you know that you are doing the right thing. Try not to let those bad times get to you...I know it's hard though.
Rita~ how I feel for you. I have only experienced this as a grandchild, but having to watch and live through that with three grandparents I know no matter the circumstances it is never easy. I will be thinking of you.
Hi Rita this is my first time in here and I fellso sorry that you are having to deal with this111
It's so sade to see things like this happen to those we love like your mom!!!
Try to move on and look for your self and for the good things that you have done!!
In the end this is count a lot, and thinking about you and what make you happy!!!!!
Big hugs from Brazil.
PS.By the way sorry my poor english and I love everything here in your blog you are amazing artist!!!!So many to inspired !!
Rita, I'm so sorry you received that phone call. Try not to let it get you too down; remember that the person who called you had gotten totally incorrect information and had nothing else to go by. Hang in there and know that you are doing the best you can for your mother and the rest of your family. Keep creating if that will help you to work through what you are going through. I love seeing your projects. God bless you!
I'm sorry you had to deal with your moms friend.
What an answer to prayer that she is gaining weight and socializing!!
WOW!! That is amazing!!
Very exciting news.
Sounds like she is adjusting slowly but quite well for a short time there so far.
I will continue to pray she likes it more each day and continues to socialize.
So glad to hear that your mom is doing well!!! It's hard to take criticism from others, especially when you're doing every single thing you can. The Lord sees you, Rita. He knows what you're going through and loves you like crazy. May it comfort you to know that He sees everything.
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